Improvement/ Maintenance

Ways I want to be a better mother, wife , friend...

~ patience (always more), especially with people other than my girls... role-model patience

~ provide more creative experiences for the girls

~ cook dinner every night (rely less on help from Jas)... maybe find prep time the night before

~ get back to surprise un-birthdays (starting tomorrow, lucky papa!)

~ make the call, don't let others be the sole maintenance of a relationship

~ write letters, not emails

~ focus on right here, right now... s l o w d o w n

~ revitalize Friday night comedy with Jas (there must be a saying that starts... "couples that laugh together, ...")

~ recognize behind the eyes

We're in such a great place right now, on a real high. I want to hold that. "They say" that getting the weight off isn't the hard part, maintaining the new weight is. I think that's true of any behavioral change. We can probably do anything for one day, it's staying consistent that's the challenge.

I'm very aware of our mortality. I think about it often (and if you want a great book, check out A Year to Live by Stephen Levine). Every time a negative interaction encroaches upon us, I get a glimpse of "what if this was our end?", and I remind myself to focus on what matters. I don't remember where I heard it, but "each day is a gift, not a given right." I'd like something that visually reminds us of that every day we rise. Today was a gift, and if tomorrow never came, I'd be okay with our last exchange. If tomorrow comes, though, I'll take the opportunity to make it even better.

Quotable

"The death rate for people who play it safe

and for people who live boldly is the same, 100%."

~Patti Digh, Life is a Verb

New Friends

We aren't big fans of our current 'hood. We haven't met many stable people. However, today, the girls and I made new friends. Wandering around the quad as we often do, an older woman was outside her home sweeping her porch. She started the conversation, and it started with your typical talk of the kids and the weather, and soon turned into many connections. This wonderfully pleasant and kind woman is originally from Argentina, Rosario to be exact. When I was fifteen, I was an exchange student in Argentina, Rosario to be exact. Amazing! Her name is Italian so we had a nice discussion about my study abroad in Italy as well.

We soon met her husband and Sofi practiced counting to ten in Spanish with them. They are so sweet! They moved here to be close to their kids and grandkids, and now they have all moved to other parts of the States, so these lovely folks are lonely (especially for little ones). Making connections like this is so invigorating. What shall I make them as a neighborly gesture? Muffins, homemade bread (a new adventure I've taken on that I will post about soon), cookies, hmmm? I can't wait to learn more about this fantastic couple, and listen to their castellano accents, so beautiful! I suppose there is hope for this neighborhood. Of course, this comes just in time for us to move soon... better late than, well, you know.

Preschool or Grad School

An ongoing debate in my mind whether to return to my doctorate studies or not. But, if not, then what shall I do?

Here are some career paths I believe I'm qualified for:
++ Research Assistant, University
++ Research Assistant, Biotech
++ Science or Math Teacher
++ Personal Trainer/ Fitness Instructor
++ Group Fitness Coordinator

Here are the careers I am most interested in:
++ Physical Therapist
++ Entrepreneur, own craft line
++ Entrepreneur, own sewing/craft boutique
++ Preschool Teacher, Waldorf style

Nothing in the first list gets me super-excited. Physical therapy is my most-desired career, and requires the greatest investment in time and finances. Being a Waldorf teacher is incredibly appealing, but would necessitate moving out of state and two solid years of study. Although, I could then ensure my children the education I want for them. I have a feeling my entrepreneurial spirit will come alive once I finally choose my career path. I will either eventually own a PT clinic or start a preschool.

I know I will do well once I focus my mind. Right now, PT is my answer, but I'm leaving myself open to change. This issue used to bother me so much more before I knew we were buying a house. I think because I knew that we would not be in the position to buy a house until I was really contributing to the income flow; but now that we've discovered we can buy without me working, my options feel less restrained. I feel less guilty about returning to school.

The Necessities

food + water + sleep

=

happy, not irritable, healthy

my daughter and i have much in common.

perhaps i should keep my own inventory as well as hers.

The Things You Own...

Living in a small space for a family of four, relatively, I feel like we don't have that much stuff. But, when I look around, we have things everywhere. We've moved so many times that we've gotten rid of many things, too. I'd love to go back to the time when Jason and I had everything we needed in the trunk of our car, and we were free to travel the country. To have that mobility, that was freedom.

We're about to go under contract on our first home. I have such mixed feelings about this. Half of me is so excited to finally be in OUR own home, and I love the new neighborhood, and I know it's what we're supposed to do with kids. The other half is mourning the loss of the little bit of rebellion we ever had. We've never wanted to follow the path that everyone follows, that your supposed to follow; but, gradually that's what we've done, nonetheless. I love our life together, and I know this will be best for us, but I can't help worrying that these things will end up owning us. Stuff everywhere cripples my mind. We're moving to an equally small space, so I know we won't accumulate much more, but I wish I had the courage to go bare bones. Every time I manage to rid us of another thing, though, there is something we "need" to buy. There is always something. I am grateful for everything we have and will soon have, I just hope it doesn't hold us back, and stop us from focusing on our dreams.

Online Journal Challenge

Lately I've been questioning my blogging intention. Am I blogging...

• for personal use?
• to meet kindred spirits?
• to join the pack of stay-at-home mom bloggers?
• to keep our extended family updated on our happenings?
• to encourage me to launch my own business?
• to satisfy some narcissistic need?
• to vent?
• to feel less lonely, more connected?

The answer is yes. All of the above and probably more. Well, it's time to redirect this blog to a wholehearted narcissistic offering... an online journal. Journaling has always calmed me down, led me to answers, and unweighted my shoulders. BUT, I can't seem to stick to it on paper. Since I have this here blog, and I'm not so inspired lately as to what to fill it with, I challenge myself to journal in this forum every day for the next month. If I succeed, perhaps I will challenge myself to another month, or manage to commit to a journal on paper, or just give myself a big pat on the back. I'm a little nervous to unload this information on the "interwebs" (quoting a dear friend), but really, what do I have to hide anyway?

Nada, and that's what this first entry is about. Am I boring? I've always been the good girl, never got in trouble, valedictorian, faithful friend, long-term relationships. Because of this role, I have long been terrified of being boring, uninteresting. I've also always been the Listener, and thus, I've never developed the gift of gab or wittiness. Yes, I'm known to be quite hard on myself, so I probably over-react. But, chances are if you ask me what I did last weekend, I won't be able to answer. Why? Because, a) I can't remember, even when it might have been an extra-ordinary weekend, and b) I probably have developed this sort-of short-term memory loss to prevent me from having to talk about myself. If you ask me how I am, I almost always answer with an attempt at sounding energetic, "Good, how are you?" with a big smile. It's my default, because honestly, this question makes me uncomfortable. It means, "let's start a conversation," and that unleashes the beat-up beast that says, "you have nothing interesting to say."

I know everyone (well, maybe not Zen masters) has that "voice" that occasionally or constantly, depending on the person, beats you up. All the books in the world haven't swallowed that voice. But, really, that's all it is, a voice, my voice. While I may be boring on any given day, that doesn't mean I'm a boring person. I've done quite a few things, been quite a few places, explored quite a few thoughts. In so many other ways, I am confident. Why did I get bit with the social anxiety bug? I've improved over the years, so I guess I'll keep improving. Hey, maybe I'll be that 90 year old social butterfly. That could be interesting.

It's All Relative

Apparently "soon" is a relative term, sorry about that. Alas, the long awaited results of functional inspiration. Those cutey-pie fabrics are now cutey-pie potholders! Oh yes, I made a little birdie with matching birdhouse. Silly, I know, but I couldn't bring myself to make plain-ole square ones. These come complete with a back pocket to stuff your hand in (a feature I cannot do without in my potholders; the fear of singeing the back of my hand is as great as the fear of singeing my fingers or palm). What do you think? Maybe there is an ounce of creativity in this left-trained brain.

AND... what were those potholders inspired by? A need (also a relative term) to separate the kitchen from the laundry area. Coordinating curtain and potholders, a little matchy-matchy, but a LOT of F.. U... N!
Now to digress completely from our previous subject, I am in love with a woman. A woman who can cook. Her name is Giada. She gave me this recipe, and we devoured it last night! Parmesan (or as Sofi would correct, "Not parmesan, parmigiano reggiano!") Potato Pancakes, aka Fancy, Yummy Hashbrowns; if you need an excuse to eat breakfast any time of day then call these Parmesan Potato Pie, but then you might need an excuse to eat dessert for a meal. We, however, do not need excuses to eat breakfast or dessert all day, any day!

Hope you have a labor-less Labor Day Weekend!

Coming Soon

These adorable fabrics will be revealed as some sweet, fun, functional goodies. Stay tuned...

Squeezing Out What's Left of Summer

The highs these days are getting lower, temperature I mean. I'm still clinging to the idea that scorching hot weather is yet to come, although I know Fall is on the brink. Hence the reason I took the girls to play in the ice-cold water fountain at the park today.

After a long morning of fun in the sun, alas, it ended with fits and cries that we should never leave. I hate having to interrupt her excitement, but a mama knows when a babe needs sleep. Obviously, I let her play a little too long today, which is why we ended up in a battle of wills. The finale looked like this: a naked child screaming and running toward the fountain, and a mama with a towel chasing her. Finally, I had to just pick her up kicking and screaming in order to leave. But, because of all this commotion, we left her shoes at the water fountain. Observant mama that I am, I didn't even realize until we got to the store. So, another drive to the fountain crossing my fingers that when she saw it again the tears & screams would stay at bay. And, they did; And, the shoes were still there (phew).

I love summer.