Colorado Fall

I love Colorado in the Fall; it's so unpredictable. One day we've got highs in the 60's and the next, highs in the 30's with snow. I love waking up to snow: when the world is silent, watching flakes fall from the sky. Some of the biggest storms seem like the calmest times for the clouds. They interrupt our lives and force us to slow down. They ask us to stay home for the day, relax, drink some hot cocoa, wrap yourself up in a big, cozy blanket and read. They are so "inconvenient," but also such a convenient excuse to cancel all plans. There will be snow again today; it probably won't stick yet, but we'll watch it in wonder nonetheless.

I Can't Draw

or can I?

Sofi often pulls out her markers and paper and invites me to draw with her by saying, "Which color do you want, Mommy?". This afternoon I opted for pink. I asked her what I should draw. Now, usually, this is answered with a heart, a cloud, a circle, a star... all doable. But today, she suggested I draw her. My immediate thoughts: Yikes, hmmm, oh boy, this is gonna be ugly. My outward reaction: Okay (smile).

Well, I got started, and kept going and going (Look at me, Sweetie. Look at me again.). I'm still no artiste, but I was actually quite proud of my caricature. It turned out pretty cute and slightly resembled her, albeit all pink. She even asked me to draw her again, in black.

Maybe I won't doubt myself so quickly next time. Maybe I'll keep trying.

Right Now

everything is right, right now. i feel it.

talks with a great friend today have got me thinking (once again) about death (the great motivator). i've read books that put you in the position of what if you knew you would die in a year (A Year to Live), or what if you had 37 days left (Life is a Verb)... but why not take it all the way, what if i died today or tomorrow? isn't that really what it's about, live today as if it were your last? well, maybe today is my last, i don't know, so i'm going to celebrate the mundane/ordinary everything that makes up my life. i'm going to take some time to stop f-ing thinking and start f-ing living. i don't have to have accomplished everything on my life list to have had a fulfilling life; this is my life, right NOW. so first up... vacuuming!

if being overtly happy is insane, i'm taking it; i'm going to soak in it until my fingers get all wrinkly.

the goal

check out this blog i just came upon, she speaks everything i'm striving for.

i've studied non-violent communication, and it's so hard to practice it at every moment. i want to teach without rewards/punishments. i need a supportive community. so many times i feel like i have failed sofi; can i correct it? how can i go back to school when i know they won't get this model without me? how can i not go back to school when we need me to make an income eventually? why would i ever make a decision based on money? i want this sooo much and i need support. but i want to be a physical therapist, too. what do i do?

The Matrix

Does that moment ever hit you? That, "whoa, am I in the Matrix?" moment? I get that every now and again. A connection and awareness that's a tad-bit freaky. Today, driving down the highway, I passed a truck with a HUGE ad on its side. It read,

"I'm different.

I LOVE my job."

And it had a picture of a guy much like this...

Please, tell me that creeps you out, too. Insert cheesy smile here.

Whistle While You Work

A clean room is a clean mind. Time to play catch-up. Time to de-clutter and restore. I don't know about you, but I can't think and I don't sleep well when everything is in disarray. BUT, keeping this place clean is a real challenge with Taz, the Tasmanian, tornado-ing through it. One lazy night off of picking-up and the next day's chores are overwhelmingly daunting. I need a better system. What's yours?

Generations

Weekly gatherings, reconnecting, replenishing, supporting. Somewhere along the way this country's culture has lost the old world's sense of family, extended family. We're encouraged to leave the nest, get a good job no matter where it might take us, let our parents spend their final days in a nursing home (lest they burden us). Our culture emphasizes the value of work.

I feel privileged to have experienced other cultures. Cultures where you work to live, not live to work, where generations gather every Sunday afternoon for a big family meal and camaraderie. They can do this because they have chosen to stay close, because they value family and history. While being so involved in each other's lives can have its downsides (think My Big Fat Greek Wedding), it also has the love, support, and community that we all need. And, where do you find better stories than those of your own family?

It takes a village to raise a child; your family is the start of your village. When we leave our families in search of greener pastures or the American Dream, we're forced to create a new village with no history or no village at all. My family didn't have much of a village; I didn't know my grandparents, and my aunts/uncles/cousins were distant acquaintances. I want this connection for my children... to know their roots, to have expectations from people other than us, to learn life lessons from many teachers. I cherish every weekend that we take the kids to grandma & grandad's house, and I know the girls cherish it, too. I don't know if we'll be able to maintain this physical proximity, but it is our goal. I want to grow old with my parents, my sister, and my kids... to instill family, unconditional family, in my children. What could be more important?

Outstanding

Such an amazing day. You can't script this kind of day. Sofi woke up WAY too early, early enough to see her "daddy-o" before he left to teach. She was so distraught about him leaving. She wanted him to stay home. She didn't want him to go out in the dark; she was worried. She wanted him to hold her tight all morning, all day. We finally had to break them apart with the promise that we would visit him at lunch. She was happy with that.

All this time I was thinking, "oh boy, we're gonna have a rough day," on account of her not getting enough sleep. But, then, she came back to bed with me and her baby sister, and fell asleep (for TWO more hours, yippee!). When she woke, you better believe she remembered our promise. Every two minutes, "are we going to daddy-o's school today?", "are we going to have lunch with him?". So, on this impromptu lunch date, I decided to make a little picnic. We arrived at his school (she was so excited, and my enthusiasm equaled hers internally) and had a whopping twenty minutes of daddy time and yummys. When we left she said, {{sigh}}, "It was such a special treat to get to see daddy at lunch today." Already a great day.

On the way home, I remembered, "It's daddy's un-birthday!" Oh, the excitement. What should we do? Sofi, "we should bake a cake." Why, yes we should! "And we should get him a present." Yes, indeed! We concocted a carrot cake surprise; now, what could we make as a gift? Maybe a sweet homemade card. But those skills are not my strongest, I've already used my best card idea. Maybe something easily hand-sewn like the little felt birdie I made Sofi. I know, a felt heart... with a pocket... with tiny, fortune-style, notes about why we love him (must have been channeling Amanda Soule). Done and done.

When he walked in the door, he was greeted by, "Happy Un-birthday to you..." and an anxious two-year old with her heart in her hand. So much love you could burst. Still such an amazing day.

Sad that I had to leave the festivities to teach my regular Spinning (indoor cycling) class, I headed out the door. The class was pretty full for this time of year, yay! An older woman sat smack-dab in the center of class, directly in front of me. She didn't do half the things I offered them and that didn't bother me, but with a frown on her face, I anticipated some post-class complaints of the music being too loud or the class to hard, etc. Never judge a book by its cover... Weekends, by the Black Eyed Peas came on my mix, and I kid you not, this wonderful woman started dancing on her bike. Not a timid bop your head or shrug your shoulders, she full-out raised the roof! And at the end of class, I got a, "That was outstanding," from a member. Yes it was... An Out-friggin'-standing Day!